Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
