i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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