I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
