Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
