She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
