Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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