Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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