Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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