I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
