one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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