so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
