Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
