I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
