she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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