you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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