We're facebook friends in real life
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
