East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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