Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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