Please, let me fuck your mom
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
