So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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