Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
