Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
