rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
