he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
