Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
