I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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