I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
