wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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