My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
