apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
