It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
