belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
