Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
