Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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