i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so let's talk penis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
