Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
