Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My friends, they love my intelligence
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
