one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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