you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
