I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
