We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My pussy is not your playground.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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