I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
