I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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