If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
