It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
