I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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