didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
