Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
