Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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