i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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