I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
