Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
